Found at Wattpad.com, post­ed by brownielover1

1. My moth­er taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
   “If you’re going to kill each oth­er, do it out­side. I just fin­ished cleaning.”
2. My moth­er taught me RELIGION.
   “You bet­ter pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3. My moth­er taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
   “If you don’t straight­en up, I’m going to knock you into the mid­dle of next week!”
4. My moth­er taught me LOGIC.
   “Because I said so, that’s why.”
5. My moth­er taught me MORE LOGIC.
   ‘If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
6. My moth­er taught me FORESIGHT.
   “Make sure you wear clean under­wear, in case you’re in an accident.”
7. My moth­er taught me IRONY.
   “Keep cry­ing, and I’ll give you some­thing to cry about.”
8. My moth­er taught me about the sci­ence of OSMOSIS.
   “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. My moth­er taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
   “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10. My moth­er taught me about STAMINA.
    “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11. My moth­er taught me about WEATHER.
    “This room of yours looks as if a tor­na­do went through it.”
12. My moth­er taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    “If I told you once, I’ve told you a mil­lion times. Don’t exaggerate!”
13. My moth­er taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
14. My moth­er taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
    “Stop act­ing like your father!”
15. My moth­er taught me about ENVY.
    “There are mil­lions of less for­tu­nate chil­dren in this world who don’t have won­der­ful par­ents like you do.”
16. My moth­er taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    “Just wait until we get home.”
17. My moth­er taught me about RECEIVING.
    “You are going to get it when you get home!”
18. My moth­er taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    “If you don’t stop cross­ing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way.”
19. My moth­er taught me ESP.
    “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
20. My moth­er taught me HUMOUR.
    “When that lawn mow­er cuts off your toes, don’t come run­ning to me.”
21. My moth­er taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    “If you don’t eat your veg­eta­bles, you’ll nev­er grow up.”
22. My moth­er taught me GENETICS.
    “You’re just like your father.”
23. My moth­er taught me about my ROOTS.
    “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
24. My moth­er taught me WISDOM.
    “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
25. And my favourite: my moth­er taught me about JUSTICE.
    “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”